Sadly Written

I still miss you, you know. I miss you, too. Despite what you think about me, I miss you and your crazy attitude. Despite all the horrible things you've done to me and the terrible things I've done to you, missing you is still inevitable. The time we spent on each other has been reckless... reckless and stupid. We had shared so many things with each other, but the colossal thing that has been absent was the connection - inner connection. Our communication was so poor that we didn't realize that every problem we had was left tolerated, thus, unsolved.

Looking at your pictures makes me realize so many things: one, that you've given me a part of you. Two: I have done my best in giving you a part of me. Three: I've been brutally bitchy that I didn't give a flying fig about what I really felt for you. It was something that I really didn't know. I loved you, yes, but something was terribly missing that I haven't been able to grasp up until several months ago. I cannot love so wholeheartedly when a big part of me still lives in the past; in the past that was so precious to me that I couldn't let go of.

This is what you make of memories. Memories are like needles that pierce through your heart. Memories, like the beautiful things in between those menacingly painful ones that we have, are like dead stars in the night. Those are the memories that you don't know what to do: to remember or to forget. But remembering the times bring a lot of pain in my heart, as I am well aware that I've been such a great disappointment and heartbreak to you. This, this is what you make of memories. But then again, these memories have become a part of me, and while I think of the things that I need to do, I smile at the thought of your smiling eyes.

I am sorry. I am sorry for everything. I am sorry you've been victimized by my dysfunctional thinking. I am sorry that you've been a collateral damage towards my goal of becoming a better person. I owe you a lot... a fucking lot that when I think about you, I still cry.

I am sorry. I miss you, too, but I have to move on.