Of questions and answers

The night is already telling me to finally repair my distorted body clock but something is always keeping me up. Because of this freezing weather that people in Winnipeg or Russia might call a normal day, it's hard not to stay at home. But despite the cold, it is this time of the night that I feel like my senses are awake: every scratch, every sound of breathing, every tick - I hear them all. If I stay silent enough, I hear my heartbeat. It is also - constantly - the time where I get to rethink what I have done throughout the day and then almost always regret half of it.

Regret. It's a funny word. Funny, yet powerful. Sometime in my life (and I must say I feel like I have lived longer than what my age says) I have stumbled upon a sentence which said that 'the happy people have no regrets'. It made me think. Must that mean that they're happy because they never did something that they didn't regret? Or does it mean that I have many regrets, therefore, I am not happy? So many days, hours, minutes and seconds that I have pondered on the true meaning of it.

...

As time goes by, I realized that happy people are the people who have done mistakes in their life and experienced regrets and loss, but along the way, they have come to embrace the fact that it is the only way for them to grow. When a person grows, he matures. When he matures, he changes his perspective. When he changes his perspectives, he understands better. When he understands better, he accepts. When he accepts, he's happy. He's happy because he understands that there was no way he could've changed things, there was no way that he could've done better. Things happened because they were supposed to happen.

So when I realized these things, I suddenly know. I suddenly know that even though I have many regrets, I am striving to be happy. Even though I have done so many mistakes in my life, there is nothing that should keep me from being happy. Life is hard to everybody, not just to me. The magnitude of the hardships may vary from person to person, but we can never question the intensity of other people's feelings. It is only a matter of perspective. Change the way you look at one thing, it changes everything.

When I thought about it, I stopped asking why.

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