In the time of need

It's 2.44 in the morning, I have tried to sleep but to no avail. I am actually tempted to drink up the Valium that we have in our medicine cabinet but I thought, "hey why don't I blog?" so here I am, attempting to form a decent introduction.

What's been keeping me up? A lot of things have been keeping me busy for the past weeks, some of little importance, others significant. I have been busy being a daughter, trying my best to do the chores. I've been busy being a sister who has to have enormous amounts of patience that God could give me, and lastly, I've been busy being a friend, being someone who is willing to shed a troubled friend's tears. But I ask myself, am I neglecting my own self-worth just to prove my value to others?

Friends come, and then they go. The ones who choose to stay are the ones that you keep, they say. They deserve your loyalty, they say. But what if, just what if, you feel like they're just staying because they can get something from you? What if they're not here today, but when they need you, they just appear tomorrow, just like magic? You embrace them, love them, care for them and then they disappear again in a jiffy. Vanish. Or something.

Sometimes I just want to be alone and then see who's gonna come to my rescue. Sometimes, I also want to feel like I am important for somebody else not because they need me, but because they value me. Sometimes, I have this intense longing of being in the company of people who will realize my worth and most especially, people who understands the meaning of friendship.

People easily forget the good things that you've done for them but easily remember the bad ones, no matter how little they are. They forget that you invested time and emotions on your relationship with them that they just take you for granted; it's as if you're just like a remote control, when they turned off the TV, they throw the remote et voilà, will search for it again in the time of need.

I think I'm getting older, really. I think I have too many "friends". I am now in the process of sorting the real ones from the fake ones, and I intend to keep a few of them by my side. My life is too short to be wasted on cruel people.