Things to do when I finally move on

Sometimes, there is a point in our lives when we ask ourselves questions that we can't seem to answer. Other times, we just let go of the feelings and try hard not to think about them... Many of us, of people who are hopelessly in love with love, we often stumble and get hurt. When these things happen, we ask, "why can't I move on?" But I realize, asking that makes no sense. So I devised a plan in my head and wonder about "what will I do when I finally moved on?"

First of all (sometimes this is the hardest part), I will throw his pictures away. I will delete every picture we have on my computer, eradicate all the online conversations, burn everything he gave me and be allergic to his name. What am I going to do with all those things? It will just make me remember his face when I see them. So, painful as it may, I will brave the odds and do it. 

I will delete his number on my cellphone and forget to remember every single digit. I will not drink and then text him words like "I love you" or in my most drunk days, "I hate you! Fucking asshole!" Of course if I text him and then I'm drunk it will probably end up like "Ihdhjgaytu".. you know. 

I will go to places we used to go and make new memories - alone or with friends. Maybe it will make me remember his face or the things we used to do, but hey, I moved on right? So I better get on with it. I will spit on the spot where he used to sit or stand and tell myself, "that serves him right!", convincing enough but not too much to make me feel the bitterness in my mouth. 

I will get a haircut, or a new hair color or just a fucking tattoo to symbolize my readiness to get on with my pretty life, or I could also have my whole body waxed or body hairs laser'ed so they won't grow back. Sometimes, the physical pain you inflict on your body can take away the pain you feel in your heart. But I must remember not to exaggerate or else I'll find myself jumping from the rooftop of his condo. Or some bridge. Whatever.

I will binge on ice cream because I wouldn't care anymore if I get fat and he'll be disgusted. I will buy lots of Swiss chocolates, or just chocolates; go to Italian restaurants and eat a lot of profiteroles and tiramisù, and the best therapy of all, I'll go fucking shopping 'til my wardrobe is completely new.

Those are just on the top of my list. My main problem right now is the how part. How to move on. How to forget all the goddamn memories, all the dreams we've built together, all the funny and crazy shenanigans we used to do. How could I love the place where we used to eat? How could I make myself happy while he's so enjoying himself in some girl's company? More importantly, how could I kill them or just completely wipe away their existence, much like Peter Bishop in Fringe? Hahahaha, kidding.

But seriously, how am I gonna get past this? I don't want to hope but deep inside... there's still that little spark that is wishing that things will go back the way they were...

In the meantime, I'll think of other plans.