It's very ironic to think that I am still such a newbie when it comes to introductions. I still feel like I am barging in someone else's stupor whenever I try to suddenly impose an idea in a sentence. I also feel like I am unable to organize my thoughts in a fashion that we were always taught in school. With this, I feel traumatized already.
I feel traumatized. I am traumatized. I am traumatized by the way the latest episode of Game of Thrones ended: The Red Wedding. Though I have read about the fate of the Starks before, it was still a shock to me having seen the scene enacted in a brutally repulsive kind of way. I still want to cry.
I still want to cry because I can still remember that feeling when I opened a chapter in the seventh book of Harry Potter and read that silver blood was coming out of Dobby; the searing and agonizing pain that Harry felt when he dug the tomb of the loyal house-elf in the traditional Muggle way. I feel that sadness I felt when Tonks, Lupin and the adorable Fred Weasley died in battle. Traumatizing.
I feel traumatized because I have never learned. Aside from being unable to give meaningful introductions to my gibberish thoughts, I also find it ironic that I would feel a lot differently now in comparison to my last blog post.
Amidst all the trauma and repercussions that the past events did to me, I can hear my mother's voice telling me not to show or give my soul to people even if they're my friends, and if ever my mom would discover what the hell is going on in my mind right now, I will probably, no not probably, I will hear her say "I told you so." in her high-pitched voice.
Trauma. What a funny word.
I feel traumatized. I want to get through this like getting through the previous ones. I want to be free from this kind of schadenfreude that I am feeling towards the people who have hurt me, including George RR Martin, for having killed a happy idea (yes, the Starks) inside me.
I want to fucking break free from this and love myself more. As the Italians would say, "meglio soli che mal accompagnati."
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